i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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