Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
