R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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