lets start a swedish sibling band together
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
