I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
