Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
