I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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