dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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