When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
