I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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