You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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