So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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