If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
