you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
