There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
another moral hangover. fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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