normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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