they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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