She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
