just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
