I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
