Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
