My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just google imaged poop.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
