My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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