At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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