Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
