My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
