i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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