Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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