maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
home. puking in laundry basket.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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