So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
