I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
