You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
