I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
