one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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