Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
