I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
