Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
