guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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