I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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