So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
