Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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