I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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