so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize