No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
