Jerry, you need to find god
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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