HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
