Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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