I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
