Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
