I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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