god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
