just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
