i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
