his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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