My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
