Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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