i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
