Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
