You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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