we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
