I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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