Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
