Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
