yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
