living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will be naked everywhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
