he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sobbing to NWA
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
