Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A+ Viking dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
