Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
