the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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